Crushing Your Child's Future One Toy at a Time

Do you remember when you first started to work in an office and, after a couple days or weeks, experienced that extremely depressing epiphany that you’d be stuck in a similar environment for the next forty years of your life? Well, now you can share that joy with your child! Meet Baby’s First Cubicle, the official toy of your child’s horrendous future. Coming soon My Own Cleaning Trolly - see Right

Via Gizmodo, product specifications for this $2600 wondertoy:

Gimme' One Up High

Happy holiday, everybody. We're of course referring to National High Five Day, which falls on the third Thursday of April. It celebrates the congratulatory hand gesture used mostly by men over the past few decades. For the origin of the HIGH FIVE click here.

For a better understanding of the holiday, watch this new music video.

No Happy Ending

(MADISON, WISCONSIN) A young man, who hired two female massage therapists, wasn't rubbed -- He got robbed. They swiped several hundred dollars from him.
He found the two ladies --- named "Exotica" and "Mrs Unique" --- at an online erotic site. They rendezvoused in his apartment and he stripped naked for his kinky rubdown. Police say (quote) "Exotica' told the victim to lie face down on his bed. The victim followed instructions, but looked back and saw 'Mrs Unique' going through his wallet. The women were last seen getting into a green sedan. The two bottles of baby oil they left behind are now in a Madison Police Department evidence locker."

You're Cleared For Landing

The new issue of Cosmo magazine tries to make it easier to groom down there. They provide a 4-step plan to give yourself a homemade Brazilian Wax, with specially-designed stencils. Your choice in stencil shapes is "Love Triangle", "Sweetheart", "This Way for Fun" and the "Landing Strip".

Cosmo makes it so you punch the stencil out of the magazine. Then they suggest you (quote) "Hold it up to the center of your V zone, and trace around it with an eyeliner pencil." The final step is mixing hot wax and applying it to your sensitive regions. A Cosmo reader already reported back (quote) "I know a girl who had to go to the emergency room after she had a home waxing mishap."

Nothing Gets Tasered Like a Deer

Meet poor Steve.
Just a simple dumb-ass on his way to The Oyster Shack riding his lawnmower.
Enter officer "Buzz Kill" ready to take all the fun out of poor Steve's day by reminding him that you can't ride a lawnmower anytime on roadways or while clearly intoxicated.
Apparently Steve KNOWS his rights.
Apparently officer B.K. knows the law AND has a taser.
Who will win this epic battle of authority?
Hint it's not John Mellencamp... or poor Steve.
But it's damn fun to watch... Enjoy!

Drunken Lawn Mower Jockey Gets Tazed | Viral/Other | SPIKE.com

If You Keep Doing That You'll Go.... OOPS!

There's now a pornographic magazine for the blind. It's co-ed which means the photographs feature both naked men and women. They're in 3-D, with Braille texts describing the bodies. The magazine is the brainchild of Lisa Murphy, who says the natural curves of the human body are easily replicated in Braille. She says (quote) "The blind have been left out in a culture saturated with sexual image. This is the first magazine of tactile pictures of nudes. We're breaking new ground."

One of the first blind guys to get his hands on the magazine said he wasn't expecting to touch the bodies of naked men. He added (quote) "When I opened the magazine pages, it was the first time I felt porn. But when I turned to page 3, I got an unexpected surprise. What I thought was a flat-chested woman was actually a dude. My first reaction was to set down the magazine and go wash my hands."

Down With the Clown??

If a corporate watchdog gets its way, one of the world's most recognizable clowns will be forced to hang up his shoes.

Corporate Accountability Intl. says Ronald McDonald is fueling childhood obesity, and the Boston-based nonprofit is planning a retirement party today at a McDonald's in downtown Chicago, according to the Chicago Tribune.

The group, made up of health care professionals and parents, has taken on Joe Camel in the past. Whether it can end Ronald's 50-year run as corporate spokesman remains to be seen. McDonald's Corp. calls him its "chief happiness officer" and points to the character's role in promoting Ronald McDonald House Charities, among other philanthropic causes.

If anyone in McDonald's "character stable" is the model for obesity it's "Grimace".

Here's an idea... have Ronald put Grimace on a McDiet - consisting of the low fat/healthy McDonald's menu and lose weight. He will come out on the positive end looking like a cross between Al Roker, Jared from Subway and Barney - but better than where he started. And you won't have to get rid of an icon in the process.

WAMI AWARDS IN APPLETON TONIGHT

This year's 30th anniversary Wisconsin Area Music Industry awards show will be held at 7:30 p.m. April 12 at the Fox Cities Performing Arts Center, Appleton.

30th Anniversary Awards Show celebrating the very best in Wisconsin music. Headliners scheduled to perform include percussionists David Anania and Jeff Quay of the Blue Man Group and Cory Chisel. Awards will be presented in 35 music-related categories, by local and celebrity presenters.

Doors open at 6 p.m., and a pre-show party begins at 6:30 p.m. Curtain will be promptly at 7:30 p.m.

Don't miss your opportunity to attend the state's biggest music awards show!

OFFICIAL SITE

Booty is in the Eye of the Beholder

The popularity of low-cut jeans has created a culture that now accepts an exposed butt crack, a-k-a Butt Cleavage/Plumber's Crack/Builder's Bum or the ol' Coin Slot.
Some consider it a bonus eyeful of booty, but others see it as disgusting or just sloppy. Beauty or "Booty" in this case, is in the eye of the beholder. What do you think... HOT... or NOT?

Touch Me One Time.....

In our day-to-day lives, we touch a lot of filthy things. Most of these things can't be avoided and we often don't realize just how dirty these things are. So to enlighten you ...
Top 10 Dirtiest Things You Touch Everyday:

1. Money: You don't know how many hands have touched that money.
2. Light switch
3. Computer keyboard
4. Cell phone: Research shows that cell phones harbor thousands of germs
5. Toilet seat: Duh.
6. Shopping cart
7. TV remote
8. Bathtub
9. Kitchen sink
10. Kitchen sponge: This might be the most disgusting, germ-ridden thing you touch.

Source: Ranker.com

NERD ALERT!!!!

One of gaming's oldest records was just blown up. And it wasn't an easy shot.
After a grueling 58 hours of continuous play, John McAllister of Seattle, Washington officially became the best Asteroids player on the planet by scoring an unthinkable 41,338,740 points in the classic 1979 coin-op arcade game. The previous mark of 41,336,440 was set by Scott Safran back in 1982 -- the longest standing record in gaming -- and was considered virtually unbreakable.
"It's basically considered a Holy Grail," he told Portland TV station KGW. "It was a title that a lot of people would want, and I wanted it."