Calling Jed Clampett

"It's like lowering a four-story building onto the head of a pin."
That phrase doesn't inspire the greatest amount of confidence in a person does it?
How about,
"This technique has never been tried at such a depth, and there are no guarantees it will work."
It comes from BP CEO Tony Hayward. If you're like me and are confused by the process they are about to embark on to contain the largest oil spill in the history of man - here's a cool animation of what they hope to accomplish today. Fingers and oily wings crossed.

Life Imitating Seinfeld... Hello Newman!

(From the "New York Post") A Brooklyn postal worker allegedly pulled a stunt worthy of the unscrupulous mailman from "Seinfeld" when he was caught red-handed hiding hundreds of undelivered letters in the trunk of his car, officials said.

Letter carrier Peter Ramsdal, 26, had stashed the bags of mail in his 2008 Mazda during a trip to the Catskills on April 21. His hoard was discovered when he was pulled over for driving with a suspended registration, cops said. As Catskills officers impounded his car, they found three US Postal Service mailbags with 537 pieces of mail.

"We found three large bags of mail, unopened and opened, time-sensitive mail, priority mail. He said he had taken it. We don't know where he was going," Sager said. The local officers told federal postal inspectors about the pilfered mail, and Ramsdal was placed under investigation.

He later allegedly admitted to a postal inspector that he purposely delayed the mail, according to documents.

FAIR-O-SMITH ?????

Cream Puffs, Corn Dogs, Cotton Candy and Steven Tyler...???
Step right up folks! Don't be shy! Bring the kids and see the amazing, death-defying, fighting , ,rehabbing band Aerosmith playing the grandstand.
O.K. I kid (kinda'). But according to Syracuse.com, Boston hard rock legends AEROSMITH will open this year's New York State Fair Mohegan Sun Grandstand lineup on August 26.
Tickets, priced at $84, $94 and $104. Making it the MOST EXPENSIVE GRANDSTAND SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF STATE FAIRS!!!!! Whew! No money left for a round of shaved ice for the kids after that. But you get to see the incredible Cow-Lipped Man sing "Dude Looks Like a Lady" which is nice.

SBD - Another Roadshow Idiotic Product

Finally, there's a product that will end the silent but deadly (SBD) killer that's been plaguing marriages for as long as they've been sharing beds. The Better Marriage Blanket promises to stop bed farts, ending the phenomenon known as The Dutch Oven. The best part of the commercial is the line, "It makes a great wedding gift." Just imagine -- you get your china, candlesticks, picture frames, kitchen appliances and a fart blanket. It's the gift the, hopefully, doesn't keep giving.

Top Ten Tasings

Apparently once is not enough to deter people from running on to a baseball field so here's a compilation from TIME MAGAZINE.com of the TOP TEN TASINGS.

LOOOOOOONG GONE! R.I.P. Ernie Harwell

Ernie Harwell, the longtime voice of the Detroit Tigers, died Tuesday at his home in Novi, Michigan. He was 92. Harwell -- who also had stints with the Brooklyn Dodgers, New York Giants and Baltimore Orioles -- was diagnosed with terminal cancer in September 2009. A few days later, he said goodbye to the fans in a special tribute at Comerica Park. He was scheduled to receive the Vin Scully Lifetime Achievement Award today in New York.

FAT... DRUNK... AND STUPID

Really? REALLY!?!?
Another Philidelphia Phillies Fan ran out onto the field during last night's game.
The guy getting tased on national TV didn't maybe register in your pea-sized brain that MAYBE that was a BAD idea?
Again I say TASE.... TASE... TASE and then TASE some more until people get it through their thick skulls what proper ballpark etiquette is. Also REMEMBER that only a week prior to all this on-field fan interaction came the story of the Philadelphia slob who puked on an 11 year old girl... on purpose!
Stay Classy Philadelphia!

You're My Density

Meet Corey Goldfeder, a man who proposed to his girlfriend by recreating a scene from the film "Back to the Future" and arranging a showing for her at a local movie theater.

The couple had initially met at a costume party with Goldfeder dressed as Michael J. Fox’s Marty McFly character. The film was a favorite of both Goldfeder and his future fiancee.

To craft the proposal, Goldfeder spent more than a dozen hours editing himself into a clip of “Back to the Future” as Marty McFly with Doc Brown, asking if he should propose or not.

You can see footage of the scene here.

Goldfeder then orchestrated a fake “Michael J. Fox Retrospective Film Festival” with a local theater owner, brought along his girlfriend and, after twenty minutes of actual “Back to the Future” footage, she was floored with his video and proposal.
SO..... Did she say "YES" ? HELLO McFly... of course she did.

Live From The H-D Roadhouse

Summerfest officials are excited to announce the highly anticipated lineup of headliners slated for the Harley-Davidson Roadhouse with Miller Genuine Draft during Summerfest 2010.
The Harley-Davidson Roadhouse with Miller Genuine Draft will once again bring a diverse mix of performers to Summerfest. The stage will feature the following headliners:

June 24 - 10:00 pm - Kool and the Gang
June 25 - 10:00 pm - Jeff Beck
June 26 - 8:00 pm - The Lost Trailers
June 26 - 10:00 pm - Phil Vassar
June 27 - 10:00 pm - TBA
June 28 - 10:00 pm - Pitbull
June 29 - 10:00 pm - Guster
June 30 - 9:30 pm - Puddle of Mudd
July 1 - 10:00 pm - The Offspring
July 2 - 10:00 pm - Scorpions
July 3 - 10:00 pm - Counting Crows
July 4 - 9:30 pm - Tito Nieves

The headliner for June 27 will be announced in the near future. More big announcements will be made May 3-6 and May 10-14 at 7:00 am at Summerfest.com. All performers and show times are subject to change.

Be sure to check out Summerfest.com for the most up-to-date lineup information.

Don't Tase Me Bro! TZZZZZZZZ!

Idiot Sports Fan + Taser = YouTube Video of said idiot being tased at a Philadelphia Philies Game Last Night. The "idiot" is a 17 year old named Steve Consalvi. Apparently Steve phoned his father, Wayne, to ask if he should run on to the field. Wayne's reaction, "I don't think you should son." REALLY!? That's it!? Not the deterring tone one would expect from a parent. It's more like if you asked your buddy, "Do you think I should try to pound this nail into my head?"
Now his father is questioning the use of the taser in stopping his dumb-ass son. The PC Police are also wondering if police used "unreasonable force" by tasing this moron... Wahhhhhhh!
NO! In my opinion they didn't use ENOUGH force. They should have beat him bloody, tased him a few more times and dragged him off the field in front of the entire stadium as a "subtle" reminder as what NOT to do to all idiots like him to NEVER do this again.

This Day in Rock History

1968 – The Jimi Hendrix Experience recorded ‘Voodoo Chile.’ It was featured on the ‘Electric Ladyland’ double album and became an UK No.1 single on 21st November 1970 two months after the guitarists death.

That's What She Said

Tiger Heckled By.......Michael Scott?
For those of you who are not familiar with that name it's the character Steve Carrell plays on the NBC show "The Office". There's an ongoing joke on "The Office" that whenever anyone says anything that could be taken "dirty" or "suggestive" someone, mostly the boss Michael Scott, says "That's What She Said." For example, "That's never going to fit in there." followed by, "That's what she said." Laughter ensues.
Well this weekend as Tiger Woods was hacking up Quail Hollow on his way to missing the cut someone shouted out, as the fans do (annoying as it may be) seemingly after every shot or put, "Get in the hole!" Someone in the gallery then brilliantly countered with, "That's What She Said". Was it meant for Tiger? Who knows or cares for that matter. Could it have applied to Tiger's current "situation"? Sure. Does it give me a reason to post a YouTube video compilation of every "That's What She Said" from "The Office"?
Hell Yes!
Enjoy the footage ... That's What She Said. HA!

A Little Respect

One of the questions you hear is, how much does the jockey get for winning the Kentucky Derby? Typically 10 percent of the winning share, minus what he pays his agent. So Calvin Borel was in line to gross over $120-thousand for his roughly 2 minute and 5 second ride. Not bad, but not as good as a guy named Glen Fullerton of Kilgore Texas. He bet $100-thousand in a CNBC sweepstakes and walked away with $900-thousand. Fullerton said it was "life changing." Borel, "I'm guessing, will keep riding." You gotta love Calvin, a little guy boasting large. He has no doubt that Super Saver will win the Triple Crown.

Source: "Huffington Post" via Len Berman - Emmy Award winning sportscaster and New York Times Bestselling Author