Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Should I Bone My Turkey or Spoon It?

Employees at the Butterball turkey-tips hotline get some pretty strange calls over the Thanksgiving holiday.

In recent years there have been calls from a man who put a turkey in a dryer to heat it up, a family who put a turkey in a bathtub while washing their kids and a woman who cleaned her turkey with a scrub brush.

Butterball L.L.C. puts on Butterball University as a form of training for hotline newcomers who will be forced to answer up to 12,000 help calls on Thanksgiving Day alone.

The hotline, which you can reach at (800) 288-8372, is open throughout November and December for the holiday season.

That's Terrific Turkey!!!!

Just in case toothless Uncle Ray is coming over for Thanksgiving... here's the answer to "WILL IT BLEND???"

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Hold Grampa's Beer While He Touches His Nose

Meet Robert Christgau. The Minnesota man, 56, is facing child endangerment and drunk driving charges after he allegedly drove his car in circles while his seven-year-old grandson clung to the auto's roof. Christgau, pictured in the mug shot at right, was doing the donuts outside his Austin apartment last Thursday, according to the below probable cause statement filed in Mower County District Court. After receiving a 911 call reporting a "vehicle driving circles around the property while a young child was riding unrestrained on the roof," sheriff's deputies approached Christgau, who was standing next to a Ford Escort with an open beer can on its roof. Christgau admitted driving the car with his grandson "hanging on the luggage rack on the roof." A witness, who pulled Christgau from the vehicle and held him until deputies arrived, told investigators that the child's legs were "hanging down the windshield." After failing a series of field sobriety tests, Christgau took a Breathalyzer test and registered a blood alcohol content of 0.14, nearly twice the state limit. Questioned about his roof ride, the boy told deputies that he and his grandfather had come up with the idea. Christgau was named in a three-count misdemeanor complaint charging him with driving while intoxicated, child endangerment, and child neglect. The last charge resulted from Christgau leaving a three-year-old grandson unattended in his apartment while he was taking the child's brother for a spin.

It's Time To Start The Music

Muppets paying homage to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"

Don't Feed The Bear....Yourself.

This is the chilling moment a bear clamped a man in his jaws after he climbed into the enclosure at a Swiss zoo.
The mentally handicapped man was left seriously wounded - but astonishingly managed to escape with his life.
The 25-year-old climbed on to a wall surrounding the Bären Park (Bear Park) in the city of Bern, Switzerland, before falling 13ft into the enclosure, police said.
The unnamed man was then attacked by four-year-old bear Finn, who caused severe injuries to the his head and one of his legs, before a policeman shot the creature, injuring it and forcing it to retreat into a cave.
The other bear in the large enclosure, Finn's 10-year-old sister Bjoerk, was not involved in the attack.
Both the man and Finn are currently being treated for their respective injuries.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Real... Short... Wrangler Jeans

Yes. He kicked our collective Packer Asses but we can still laugh at the expense of his right?


Matthew Roberts, now 41, was given up for adoption as a baby. Growing up in Rockford, Ill., he didn’t know he was adopted until his sister told him in fifth grade and it shocked him.

Like many adopted children, Matthew embarked on a mission to find his biological parents. He wanted to know, most especially, his father and see if there is any identity of him in what the son has become today.

Matthew, who now lives in Los Angeles, started his search 12 years ago when he contacted the Lutheran Social Services agency that located his mother, Terry, in Wisconsin.

He wrote to her immediately and got back an answer from her confirming she is his mother.

“She said she named me Lawrence Alexander and told me she’d tell me my last name some other time in person,” Matthew remembers.

Curious and confused, he pressed his mother for more information until she finally revealed the awful truth in a series of letters. She admitted having been raped by his father in a drug-fueled orgy in 1967.

Matthew, who is the spitting image of his serial killer-father, Charles Manson, is said to have fallen into depression after discovering his identity.

“He’s my biological father – I can’t help but have some kind of emotional connection. That’s the hardest thing of all – feeling love for a monster who raped my mother,”Matthew said.

“I don’t want to love him, but I don’t want to hate him either.”

Got something You Need Stored....'s the place. Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage.
Say it once... Say it twice... Third time's the charm!
But not not near as charming as this local cable ad.
Enjoy. J.J.

Hand SANTA-tizer

When you make your list this holiday season best check it twice and make sure you leave Santa Cookies, Milk and Hand SANTA-tizer.
Here's the report from NBC.

Ho...Ho..*cough* Ho!