Monday, December 28, 2009

So Long 2009.. Jib Jab Style.

Gotta' hand it to the guys and gals from Jib Jab and their catchy salute to all that was the year 2009.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

You Sir Are No Jack Kennedy!

Ahhh.... to be the first. Whether it be the first man on the moon or to be the apple of your affection's eye... man and tabloid journalism always seem to rush to the point - most of the time without looking anywhere but dead straight in front of them - like a horse with blinders on.
TMZ obtained a "never-before published" photograph which appears to show John F. Kennedy on a boat filled with naked women -- it's a photo that could have altered world events.
TMZ had multiple experts examine the photo -- all say there is NO evidence the picture was Photoshopped. The original print -- which is creased -- was scanned and examined for evidence of inconsistent lighting, photo composition and other forms of manipulation. The experts all concluded the photo appears authentic.
The photo was eventually given to a man who owned a car dealership on the East coast. The man kept it in a drawer for years, and would brag to friends he had an image of JFK on a boat with naked women. The man died 10 years ago and one of his sons inherited the photo.
Had the photo surfaced when John F. Kennedy ran for President in 1960, it could have torpedoed his run, and changed world history.
Here's the expert on the authenticity of the photo.

UPDATE: 2:34 PM ET TMZ now confirms the photo was part of a Playboy spread in 1967. The image published in Playboy was published in color. Due to the tragic events in Dallas Nov. 22 of 1963 - you sir are no Jack Kennedy

UPDATE: 1:11 PM ET A rep from Playboy tells TMZ the photo ran as part of story titled, "Playboy's Charter Yacht Party: How to Have a Ball on the Briny with an Able-Bodies Complement of Ship's Belles." She says the photo was taken on one of the islands that make up the Grenadines (Petit Rameau).

Ed Gien ...The Musical

What happen when you combine "Psycho", "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" and "Silence of the Lambs" you get the local film production "Ed Gien: The Musical".


"The Butcher of Plainfield", a musical set in rural Wisconsin in the 1920's, is the story of Ed Gein. Gein is the real-life basis for Norman Bates in "Psycho" and Buffalo Bill in "Silence of the Lambs". Ed has two problems: he wants to be a woman, and when his mother dies, he needs to find a way to bring her back to life. Unfortunately for his victims he found a way to do both. With lyrics and libretto by Steven Charles Nicholas, music by Elliot AB. Sneider, and direction by Amy Leland, "The Butcher of Plainfield" tells the story of a quiet, tortured monster who finds his victims at hardware stores, taverns and his local grave yard.

Filmed over six months in Omro and Appleton with a micro budget of $9000 - it is a testament to what can be done with hard work and talent.

Ed Gein: The Musical,
which has its world premiere on Saturday, Jan.2, at the new Communication Arts Center at the University of Wisconsin-Fox Valley in Menasha.

WHAT: Ed Gein: The Musical

WHERE: UW-Fox Valley Communication Arts Center, Menasha

WHEN: Saturday, Jan. 2, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 p.m.

COST: $10, which includes an 11x17 poster and a 20-minute Q&A with the director, writer and stars at each showing


Thanks to The Scene for additional resources and information

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


At 10 a.m., police said the man, dressed in a full Santa Claus costume complete with a hat, beard and sack over his shoulder, entered the Sun Trust Bank branch located at 4809 Old Hickory Boulevard in Hermitage, just north of Lebanon Pike, and approached a teller.

According to witnesses, Santa was wearing sunglasses and the teller asked him to remove them.

The suspect refused, reached into his sack and pulled out a gun.

He demanded money and told tellers if they put dye bombs with the money he’d come back “kill everyone.”

He took the money and fled, telling employees and customers in the bank he needed the money because “Santa needed to pay his elves.”

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

KID FIGHT!!!!!!!!!

And my mother wonders why I have not procreated yet - I sent this to her by the way.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Good Fell La La La La La La's

Again my childhood is raped.

The Spirit of Christmas

Here's the animated short that introduced the world to Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman.
South Park started out as a project for a Hollywood honcho to send as his Christmas Card. And exploded into the cynical, satirical, vile and brilliant juggernaut that it is today.
That should cover my ass. J.J.


A controversial "nativity" scene - depicting Jesus, holding a shotgun over a prone Santa with Rudolph splayed across a truck's hood.
Is it art and freedom of expression or just a way to cause an up-roar in the neighborhood?

"It's an expression of my repressed creativity," says Ron Lake.

In his display Ron Lake believes Santa represents the commercialism of Christmas.

A work of art open to interpretation.

"You can tell your kids and make it as if there's a Santa Claus, and let them believe all that, but you can't explain these things or ignore this thing. I don't get it," says Lake

Neighbors don't feel the same. Stunner.

UPDATE It has been taken down. Merry Christmas.


Thursday, December 17, 2009


Kids around or on Christmas are like little Jeckyll and Hydes.
Either they're cool to be around, funny or they will kill you without a single thought.



Is Santa Sant-HER???

Could Santa really be a she? Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off…
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already
be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds, and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Here are some other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man ...

  • Men can't pack a bag.
  • Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
  • Men would feel their masculinity is threatened ... having to be seen with all those elves.
  • Men don't answer their mail.
  • Men would refuse to allow their belly to be described as a "bowlful of jelly."
  • Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
  • Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
  • Being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Frosty the Pyro

Man behind "Gingerbread Nazis" is back at work.
A controversial Lorain County artist has several holiday displays up.
Keith McGuckin of Wellington, who gained fame for his "Gingerbread Nazis" a few years ago, has three new displays.
"Pyro On My Pillow" is about a snowman named Norman who lives a normal life by day but at night goes around setting foreclosed homes on fire. There's also the "Amazing Iron Lung Santa with Polio" and "Gingerbread Men Recreating the Lee Harvey Oswald Assasination."
McGuckin says he's surprised that people are offended by the polio piece this year. He says even though it's bizarre, it's supposed to be a positive message.

Ho Ho HI Yaaaa!

Don't mess with Santa! Not only will you end up on the "Naughty List" you'll also end up on the ground bleeding.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Curse is ALIVE!!!

.... and the cover boys are not well. I suppose the Madden geeks thought it was a"safer' bet to tempt fate with 2 cover athletes the Arizona Cardinal's WR Larry Fitzgerald and Steeler's D standout (and very harry) Troy Polamalu. Polamalu went down early in the season (twice) with a knee injury and during last night's ass-kicking by the 49ers, Fitzgerald and his knee got bent the wrong way. The curse is still alive. NEVER, in the history of the game, has the cover athlete NOT gotten hurt during the season - most finish injured or on the IR list.
Stilll a skeptic? SNOPES will set you free. Necky

Scraping the bottom of the barrel for a Christmas gift? Here you go!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Mi Mi Mi Mii.... Mi Mi Mi Mii..... Mi Mi Mi Miii.....

Ahhh the Muppets ... even Stadler and Waldorf's crotchety, old hearts would melt (or stop) after this stirring rendition of the Christmas classic "Carol of the Bells"
Enjoy! J.J.

Merry... Holy.... All Praise....

Flowcharts are a great way to make sense out of confusing scenarios, and there's no scenario that's more confusing than trying to figure out what religion you should follow. That's why we've created this helpful flowchart to guide you through the process.
Click on Flowchart to ENLARGE.


Move over Claw Machine... there's a new entertainment device (get your minds out of the gutter) hitting the arcade (80's term) and movie theater lobby.... "Whack-a-Banker"!
Get out all your frustrations on the banking system one whack at a time.
Been denied a loan? WHACK!!
Been foreclosed on? WHACK!!
Pissed at the bailout?? WHACK! WHACK!! WHACK!!!!!
When the coins are inserted, the banking poster falls to reveal the fruit machine ‘gambling’ display just like your 401k. The bankers pop up out of the holes in the table and the game is simply to whack as many as possible in 30 seconds with the investment instrument (the mallet). There is an easy option,
‘low yield, safe investment’ and a much harder one, ‘ high yield, high risk investment’. If you lose, the bankers put the experience behind them and return to business as usual, If you win, the bankers retire and thank you for funding their pensions.

Friday, December 11, 2009

What Kind of Pie???

Lately, Miley Cyrus has had many parents questioning weather or not she is an appropriate role model for young girls. Now, her television alter-ego, Hannah Montana, is, according to Brandy Westberry, teaching her three year old daughter, Kelzea, to swear.

Ms. Westberry gave her daughter the Holiday Hannah Montana doll as an early Christmas present. The doll sings a variety of well known Holiday tunes, including Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree. The line "later we'll have some pumpkin pie and we'll do some caroling" has come into question. Rather than hearing "pumpkin pie", the three year old supposedly heard "F***ing pie" and began singing that around the family home. When asked where she learned it, the three year old replied "the baby."

Ms. Westberry confiscated the doll and has listened to the lyric in question several times. She claims to also hear the profanity in the line. From the start, this story sounds a little off. Watch the video for yourself and see what you hear.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


NEW ORLEANS -- A Louisiana man who bet against the New Orleans Saints has lost his 60-inch high-definition, flat-screen TV to a backyard firing squad, but he also became an Internet star.

Wayne A. Spring told his friends that if New Orleans beat the Washington Redskins on Sunday, anyone who wanted could come to his house and shoot his television.

"I was a Saints fan, but used to be they never could win and I admit I was a fair-weather fan," Spring said on Thursday. "And there was all that 'Who-Datting' going on, online, so I just decided to go against the grain."

Things were looking good until the Saints tied the game and sent it into overtime.

Spring, a nurse who owns a medical staffing company, said as soon as the undefeated Saints kicked the winning field goal, his phone started ringing.

About a dozen Saints fans, toting firearms and a case of beer, showed up at his home in Albany, some 50 miles northwest of New Orleans, and shot up his TV in the back yard.

Spring put the video on YouTube and says it has had over 145,000 hits in three days.

2009 Grade F

From the video year in FAILURE.

Paranoia Big Destroyahhhh!

My new TV obsession comes via truTV and the former Gov. of Minnesota -
Jessie "The Gov./Body/Conspiracy Theorist" Ventura.
Here's a look into the paranoia - I LOVE IT!
"9/11" CONSPIRACY THEORY preview

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

"C" Is for Cuervo

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies
Felis Navidad

1 cup of water 1 tsp baking soda 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp salt 1 cup or brown sugar 4 large eggs 1 cup nuts 2 cups of dried fruit

1 bottle
Jose Cuervo Tequila -->

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point-it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off the floor. Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the
Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table and a spoon of sugar, or somefink.

Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.

Turn the
cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Let's see "Good Day With Amy" Do That!!!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


This video ALWAYS makes me laugh around the holidays!
Up on the Rooftop Quick Quick Quick Down on the Chevy Comes St. Nick!

Imagine and Remember

On December 8, 1980 John Lennon was murdered in front of his New York home, the Dakota.

29 Years, and fans still come to the entrance of the building, to Strawberry Fields in Central Park- some of them grew up with his music, like a woman playing tapes on a boom-box by the Imagine mosaic- some weren't even born when he was killed, like members of a band who played his songs on the band shell. All Those Years Ago, and we still remember.

Monday, December 7, 2009

If You Can't Laugh at Yourself....

....Laugh at Tiger Woods! Here's the SNL (Saturday Night Live) skit that has some (hysterics/Pc Police) up in arms saying it makes fun of domestic violence. WRONG! It makes fun of Tiger Woods. Get over yourselves.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Smoove Groove El'Tigre

Apparently Tiger was just about to bust into the hip hop community droppin' a smoove groove called "Take Your Name Off The Phone".
It's all about keepin' it on the DL ...yeah baby.
Number 1 with a bullet.... or golf club. Crank the bass, pass the Crown and relax girl.

Sour Grapes

The Sun-Maid is sexing things up!
Controversy is brewing over the re-imaging of the Sun-Maid girl. Really. As you can see, she's shedding her very matronly frock and is slipping in to something a little more sexy; A buxom, modern young woman wearing a tight shirt. Leading some (losers) to say that the newly made-over raisin girl looks like a Barbie Doll in Amish attire. But look... she 's just keeping up with the other pitch-girls on the block; Betty Crocker, Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth's all got substantial makeovers this year. What's a raisin-selling mascot to do? Nip. Tuck. Sell.
Again... people are up in arms over this. Really people?! Really??

Put a Tiger in Your Tank

WOW! It took What....? Almost a week before the first play-along game hit the net featuring the World's #1 Golfer /Adulterer and his Swedish Bombshell wife... and the Escalade.
Enjoy the realistic game play as you help Tiger (and friend) try to avoid the Club-Swingin Sweed - no not Anika Sorrenstam - Elin Woods.


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

C.A.D. for a CAD

Leave it to the Japanese to have already produced a anamatic of the "alleged" Tiger Woods Domestic. Is this how it went down in your mind?
Domo Arigato Tiger San.

Cinderella Story

Tiger's got himself in a bit of a PR mess as of late but he's got this commercial going for him... which is nice.

Monday, November 30, 2009

The Number You Have Reached....

TODAY is the last day you can sign you and your phone(s) up on the NO CALL LIST and keep telemarketers at bay.
You can either CALL (novel idea) 1-866-966-2255 or via the web at or

At the tone you can thank me.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Should I Bone My Turkey or Spoon It?

Employees at the Butterball turkey-tips hotline get some pretty strange calls over the Thanksgiving holiday.

In recent years there have been calls from a man who put a turkey in a dryer to heat it up, a family who put a turkey in a bathtub while washing their kids and a woman who cleaned her turkey with a scrub brush.

Butterball L.L.C. puts on Butterball University as a form of training for hotline newcomers who will be forced to answer up to 12,000 help calls on Thanksgiving Day alone.

The hotline, which you can reach at (800) 288-8372, is open throughout November and December for the holiday season.

That's Terrific Turkey!!!!

Just in case toothless Uncle Ray is coming over for Thanksgiving... here's the answer to "WILL IT BLEND???"

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Hold Grampa's Beer While He Touches His Nose

Meet Robert Christgau. The Minnesota man, 56, is facing child endangerment and drunk driving charges after he allegedly drove his car in circles while his seven-year-old grandson clung to the auto's roof. Christgau, pictured in the mug shot at right, was doing the donuts outside his Austin apartment last Thursday, according to the below probable cause statement filed in Mower County District Court. After receiving a 911 call reporting a "vehicle driving circles around the property while a young child was riding unrestrained on the roof," sheriff's deputies approached Christgau, who was standing next to a Ford Escort with an open beer can on its roof. Christgau admitted driving the car with his grandson "hanging on the luggage rack on the roof." A witness, who pulled Christgau from the vehicle and held him until deputies arrived, told investigators that the child's legs were "hanging down the windshield." After failing a series of field sobriety tests, Christgau took a Breathalyzer test and registered a blood alcohol content of 0.14, nearly twice the state limit. Questioned about his roof ride, the boy told deputies that he and his grandfather had come up with the idea. Christgau was named in a three-count misdemeanor complaint charging him with driving while intoxicated, child endangerment, and child neglect. The last charge resulted from Christgau leaving a three-year-old grandson unattended in his apartment while he was taking the child's brother for a spin.

It's Time To Start The Music

Muppets paying homage to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"

Don't Feed The Bear....Yourself.

This is the chilling moment a bear clamped a man in his jaws after he climbed into the enclosure at a Swiss zoo.
The mentally handicapped man was left seriously wounded - but astonishingly managed to escape with his life.
The 25-year-old climbed on to a wall surrounding the Bären Park (Bear Park) in the city of Bern, Switzerland, before falling 13ft into the enclosure, police said.
The unnamed man was then attacked by four-year-old bear Finn, who caused severe injuries to the his head and one of his legs, before a policeman shot the creature, injuring it and forcing it to retreat into a cave.
The other bear in the large enclosure, Finn's 10-year-old sister Bjoerk, was not involved in the attack.
Both the man and Finn are currently being treated for their respective injuries.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Real... Short... Wrangler Jeans

Yes. He kicked our collective Packer Asses but we can still laugh at the expense of his right?


Matthew Roberts, now 41, was given up for adoption as a baby. Growing up in Rockford, Ill., he didn’t know he was adopted until his sister told him in fifth grade and it shocked him.

Like many adopted children, Matthew embarked on a mission to find his biological parents. He wanted to know, most especially, his father and see if there is any identity of him in what the son has become today.

Matthew, who now lives in Los Angeles, started his search 12 years ago when he contacted the Lutheran Social Services agency that located his mother, Terry, in Wisconsin.

He wrote to her immediately and got back an answer from her confirming she is his mother.

“She said she named me Lawrence Alexander and told me she’d tell me my last name some other time in person,” Matthew remembers.

Curious and confused, he pressed his mother for more information until she finally revealed the awful truth in a series of letters. She admitted having been raped by his father in a drug-fueled orgy in 1967.

Matthew, who is the spitting image of his serial killer-father, Charles Manson, is said to have fallen into depression after discovering his identity.

“He’s my biological father – I can’t help but have some kind of emotional connection. That’s the hardest thing of all – feeling love for a monster who raped my mother,”Matthew said.

“I don’t want to love him, but I don’t want to hate him either.”

Got something You Need Stored....'s the place. Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage.
Say it once... Say it twice... Third time's the charm!
But not not near as charming as this local cable ad.
Enjoy. J.J.

Hand SANTA-tizer

When you make your list this holiday season best check it twice and make sure you leave Santa Cookies, Milk and Hand SANTA-tizer.
Here's the report from NBC.

Ho...Ho..*cough* Ho!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Cast Offs

For those of you mourning the end of open water fishing season, here's some funny to tide you over until the ice is solid.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

ZZZZZT!!! Now Go To Your Room

NOVEMBER 18--An Arkansas cop tased an unruly 10-year-old girl after her mother called police to report that the child was crying, screaming, and refusing to go to bed. The tased girl, Kiara Medlock, is about 65 pounds and 4' 6", according to her father. Anthony Medlock, a truck driver who does not live with the fifth grader and her mother, provided TSG with a recent photo of his daughter, which can be seen at right. According to the below Ozark Police Department report, when Officer Dustin Bradshaw arrived at the residence last Thursday, he found the girl "screaming, kicking, and resisting every time her mother tried to touch her." Bradshaw added that, "Her mother told me to tase her if I needed to." After Kiara continued to refuse her mother's instructions, the cop concluded that "there was not going to be a peaceful resolution of the issue." Bradshaw warned the girl that she was "going to jail," but the child continued kicking and crying and resisted his attempt to handcuff her. During the tussle, Kiara "struck me with her legs and feet in the groin, reported Bradshaw, who countered with a brief "stun to her back" with his Taser. The child, not surprisingly, "immediately stopped resisting and was placed into handcuffs. She would not walk on her own and I had to carry her to my police car." Kiara was then transported to a youth shelter.

That's Gratuity For You

If you’re frustrated by poor service at a restaurant, think twice before you decide to not tip. You may be in for a bit more than just a dirty look from the waiter.

"Nobody, nobody wants to be forced to pay a tip or be arrested for terrible service," Leslie Pope said when her happy hour ended in handcuffs.

Pope and John Wagner were hauled away by police and charged with theft for not paying the mandatory 18 percent gratuity totaling $16 after eating at the Lehigh Pub in Bethlehem, Pa. with six friends.

Pope claimed that they had to wait nearly an hour for their order and that she had to get napkins and silverware for the table herself.

“At this point I became very annoyed because I had already gone up to the bar myself to have my soda refilled because the waitress never came back,” Pope said.

After the $73 bill came, the group paid for food, drinks, and tax but refused to pay the tip. After explaining the bad service to the bartender in charge, Pope claimed he took their money and called police. The couple was handcuffed and placed in the back of a police car.

“I understand that, you know, we didn’t pay the gratuity, but it was a gratuity, it wasn’t something that was required,” said Wagner.

The owner admitted that the group waited unusually long for their food, but said the pub was extremely busy that night. He said managers offered to comp the food, a claim the couple denies ever happened.

“Obviously we would have liked for the patron and the establishment to have worked this out without getting the police involved,” said Deputy Police Commissioner Stuart Bedics.

Police charged them with theft since the gratuity was part of the actual bill. However, it is doubtful that the charges will hold up in front of a judge. The couple is scheduled to appear in court next month.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Once... Twice... Three Times A Murderer.....

Story/Video from Florida Murder for Hire sting.

You Forked Up Bad!

Wanna' see a moron destroy $200+ THOUSAND DOLLARS worth of beer and alcohol... and I don't mean Mickey Rourke on a bender either. It's a factory worker that can't handle the power of the forklift he's piloting. Remarkably no one was hurt in the implosion.
Cheers to your job buddy!

Viva la Rodent Motel

Leave it to the French to hatch an idea like this. A hotel in France is giving guests the opportunity to live like hamsters for a night. Yep.... HAMSTERS. For about 150 dollars, you can dress up like hamsters, run in a hamster wheel and eat hamster food. I don't know whether or not you take a dump on a newspaper or in cedar chips but you do sleep in a habit trail so you got that going for you.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Falling Prices and Rising Shirts

If you've ever shopped at a Wal-Mart, you'll find this website amusing. It's a collection of photos of some unique Wal-Mart shoppers.


Say "No No" to LSD

In the history of Major League Baseball, there have been 263 no-hitters pitched. We can only speculate about how many of those may have been aided by performance-enhancing drugs like steroids. But Pittsburgh Pirates hurler Doc Ellis did it in 1970 with a different type of performance enhancer -- L-S-D. On a June day in San Diego, Ellis took the mound while on an acid trip and threw a no-no. His game-day account of the trip is a great story and has been turned into an entertaining animated short film.
Enjoy. J.J.

Monday, November 16, 2009

This Little Piggy Went Wee Wee Wee...

SOUTHWEST RANCHES, Fla. (AP) ― Town officials have ordered a man to get rid of his 300-pound pet pig, but the owner says he'd rather leave town than give up the animal.

Rob Falk of Southwest Ranches has a Yorkshire pig named Strawberry, and council members cited Falk's landlord for a code violation in July. Last week, officials gave Falk 30 days to remove Strawberry from the home, saying that the town allows only one Vietnamese pot bellied pig per household.

Officials are also worried that the pig will get bigger and grow large tusks.

Falk says the family will move because "the pig is like one of our children."

Giraffe Gaffe Lands Oregon Man in Human Zoo

A giraffe spent Friday morning at the Ashland Police Department, after an officer rescued it from the clutches of a drunken man who was trying to take it home.

The 4-foot stuffed giraffe, located outside the downtown children's store Bug A Boo, was a tempting target for Ashland resident Sean Patrick McDowell, 24, who is accused of having twice tried to steal the animal early Friday, police said.

"He was apparently pretty enamored with it and decided he was taking it home," said Sgt. Bob Smith with the Ashland Police Department.

McDowell was cited for theft after his second encounter with the giraffe, according to police.

At about 1 a.m., Officer Theron Hull observed McDowell pick up the giraffe and simulate making sexual advances on it, Smith said. "Then he turns and sees Officer Hull and so he puts the giraffe down and walks away," he said.

Later, at about 2:30 a.m., just after the downtown bars had closed for the night, McDowell returned to the Bug A Boo storefront and again picked up the giraffe, Smith said. McDowell was walking with the giraffe toward a parking lot at Water and B streets when Hull apprehended him. "It took a little more alcohol, but about an hour-and-a-half later, he decided to try it again," Smith said.

"Maybe he had struck out with all the women at the bar and this giraffe was looking pretty good, so he said, 'I'm going to take it back to my own place,'" he joked.

Police returned the giraffe to Bug A Boo Friday morning.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

My New TV Obsession

Full Throttle Saloon - Check it out on Tru TV. And I don't feel bad because it's Not Reality... it's Actuality.

Las Vegas Strip... Really!

Leave it to the marketing gurus from LasVegas to roll out the stripper-mobile. Yep, it's what it sounds like. Deja Vu Showgirls is taking a truck(think of a U-Haul with plexi glass) up and down the Vegas strip (ha ha) with three entertainers performing on a pole in the hopes of luring customers (siren style) back to the venue.
Dangerous? Possibly if you're driving and digging for singles.
Inventive? Absolutely! And I'm guessing the stripper-mobile is an example of "Free Speech" or "Artistic Expression" as defined by community standards - it is Vegas after all.
Viva Las Vegas!
Again .... Picture > 1000 Words.
Enjoy! J.J.

Rock Out

If you've ever seen the "Watch Out For Falling Rocks" sign while driving and thought that looking for rocks falling while driving sounds much more dangerous than the actual rocks themselves... take a a look at what a news crew in Tennessee caught on camera.
Consider yours truly on the look out from now on. WOW!

Fore! Oops! I Should've Yelled Two.

Golf Bra from Japan.
Words can't explain... video does better.
Start the Caddyshack puns .... now!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Ooo Ahhh Ohhhh Christmas Tree!!!

They're festive and X-rated, and now they're back on store shelves in time for the holiday season. The box they're sold in calls them "holiday ornaments." But some people are not happy some stores are once again peddling what they call "pornaments." One ornament has two reindeer and another has a couple of snowmen, and all are in compromising sexual positions. Think Rudolph goes to the misfit land of Kama Sutra.
The ornaments cost $10 at Spencer's Gifts and various other stores.
There is a warning on the back of the box that says "they're not intended for children". On the front of the box, it says "for adults only."
Honestly GET OVER YOURSELVES. Have you seen anything else in Spencer's that may be "suggestive" or "sexual" in nature? Look toward the beads and black lights in the back of the store in the ADULT section - where you can find these ornaments BTW.
If you have a problem with SNOWMEN and REINDEER humping (or maybe an engorged Elf or two) how about the commercialization of Christmas in general. That could be construed as rape in many people's eyes.
It's a simple fix.... with radio and television programs that offend people... turn the dial. With stores that sell offensive material... don't shop there.
Sheesh! Just another reason I hate Christmas. Bah Humbug!!!!!
SEE Over Reactive News Report Below.

Video: Sexually Graphic Ornaments Sold

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Hic..Hic...Hic...TAXI!!!!!! oops!

Check out this incredible footage of an intoxicated woman's nearly deathly encounter with a subway train on Boston's Orange Line last weekend. The commuter train stops just inches from a drunk rider, who apparently fell onto the tracks.
Train operator Charice Lewis, 27, has been honored by the T's Board of Directors as a hero. Lewis, of Mattapan, said she did not have time to think when she hit the emergency brake to save the woman's life.

9 1 1 Emergency... how much for the drugs?

Like a movie theater... when dealing drugs it may be a good thing to turn off your cell phone. Two idiots from Oklahoma accidentally dialed 911 while dealing . Not knowing they were live - the dispatcher could clearly hear their conversation - tracked the phone to the house and
Knock Knock!! Who's There? Jail.
Oh, the phone was also stolen... go figure.
Enjoy J.J.

News Link W/ AUDIO

Dearly Beloved We Are Gathered Here Today...

.... to beat the S#!T out of each other !!!!!
Ahhh.... Florida. Where the "Something Blue" from a recent Florida wedding is a Black and Blue Eye for some of the guests.
Apparently some of the guests took exception to the fact the groom threw money on the dance floor for the kids in attendance to scoop up.
Sides were taken. Punches were thrown. Grandmother was put in a choke hold (really) and at one point someone who wasn't even a guest assaulted the father - who was later arrested for firearm possession. Ahh...Florida.
40 people in all were involved in the Grand March that spanned the reception hall back to the hotel parking lot.
Remember... if invited to a wedding in Florida....
Don't Throw Rice - Throw Punches

Monday, November 9, 2009

Alright... Alright... Alright !!!!

Wooderson from "Dazed and Confused"

As promised ...."Wooderson" ... from Halloween Night.

The Circle of Life.... and Death

Visitors to the National Zoo in Washington D.C. got a surprise lesson in "The Circle of Life" when a fawn escaped it's enclosure and unfortunately ended up in GULP! the Lion's Den - not the "Adult Toy Store" either... bummer. The Deer escapes... the crowd cheers... but sorry to report the wounds were ultimately fatal and the deer had to be euthanized or as we like to say around WAPL Hit By Joe.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Not So La-Z-Boy

OCTOBER 22--A Minnesota man arrested last year for drunkenly driving a motorized La-Z-Boy lounge chair pleaded guilty this week to a DWI charge. Dennis Anderson, 62, was nabbed after driving his chair into a parked car, according to a Proctor Police Department report. A subsequent blood draw showed Anderson's blood alcohol content was .29, more than three times the legal limit. Anderson's customized vehicle, seen in the police evidence photos on the following pages, is powered by an eight horsepower Kohler lawnmower engine, and has a stereo, headlights, a built-in cup holder, and a "Hell Yeah It's Fast" bumper sticker. The ride, however, does not have a seat belt. Anderson, pictured above, controlled the La-Z-Boy via a steering wheel protruding from its seat cushion. The vehicle's headrest was adorned with the logo of the National Hot Rod Association. Following his guilty plea, Anderson was sentenced to 180 days in jail and ordered to pay a $2000 fine. A judge stayed Anderson's jail term in lieu of his successful completion of a two-year supervised probation term. His La-Z-Boy, which Proctor cops seized shortly after Anderson's arrest, will soon be auctioned along with items forfeited by other perps.

What Level of WRONG is This?

The Oozenator, I'm sure, is innocently intended for boys of a certain age but we boys of a certain other age just have dirty minds. So here's your unintentionally dirty commercial advertisement of the day.
Enjoy? J.J.

Where's Wile. E. Coyote?

Alright sometimes the internet is just fine for killing a couple minutes on watching something blow up - and this one brings back memories of Saturday morning Warner Brother cartoons. I can't prove it but I think the anvil came from Acme, Inc.
Enjoy. J.J.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I Will NOT Be Ignored Steve!

ESPN analyst Steve Phillips has been publicly outed by the production assistant he's been having an affair with - stop me if you've heard this one lately (Letterman).
But the tone of the letter the woman (a.k.a. Bunny Boiler) Brooke Hundley has a certain "Fatal Instinct" tone to it.
Keep those rabbits in sight Stevie!

LETTER from mistress to wife HERE.

ARTICLE from the New York Post HERE

Fisher King or Court Jester?

Tennessee Titans head coach Jeff Fisher wore the (rival) Colt's jersey Tuesday while appearing at a charity event for Rocketown at Lipscomb University in Nashville with former Colts coach Tony Dungy, among others.

When he introduced Dungy, Fisher took off his jacket and shirt, revealing a Manning Colts jersey underneath, saying, "I just wanted to feel like a winner."

U G L Y You Ain't Got No UGLY!

The website released the top eight cities who had the ugliest men.
The study wasn't based on just looks.
The website looked at several factors including the level of education, obesity, smoking rates, exercise habits and the number of gyms.

The list is as follows
1) El Paso, TX
2) Hagarstown, MD
3) Miami, FL
4) Greenboro, NC
5) Mobile, AL / Huntington, W. VA (tie)
6) Detroit, MI
7) Philadelphia, PA
8) Houston, TX

Ice Cold Beer, Hot Dogs and Urinal Cakes HERE!

A beer vendor was busted via YouTube for selling beer INSIDE the bathroom at a Washington Redskin's game this past Sunday.
Gross entrepreneurship or just gross?
Take A Look. J.J.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Let's All Go To The Lobby

A Blast from the past... or at least the drive-in.